Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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