Your tits are I can't wait for
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
