I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
