just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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