After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
