someone owes me an orgasm
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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