I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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