MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
