Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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