Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
