So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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