Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
