dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
