I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
