she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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