I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
