Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later