whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.