if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?