I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
