He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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