just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
