woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
