Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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