I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
