my soul wont recognize me after tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
