your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
