her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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