We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
