I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize