I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
