this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
