after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
