I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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