One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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