I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
