it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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