I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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