Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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