Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
