remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
