I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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