Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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