I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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