Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
