you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We are two peas in an std pod
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
