yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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