You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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