he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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