she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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