his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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