Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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