96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
