mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
