You work out of a Hotel?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
