just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
