i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
