ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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