Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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