he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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