omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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