I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
