Umm I'm too high to move.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
