life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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