Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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