I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
