Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
