If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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