All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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