i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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